Day 26: Fear (Phil Tan Radio Mix) - Blue October
Song: Fear (Phil Tan Radio Mix)
Artist: Blue October
Artist: Blue October
Jan 26
I had a really difficult time finding a song that fit my mood today. My day was kind of split in two between two very different and contrasting moods. The best word to describe the day is: bittersweet.
Blue October got their start in 1995 out of Houston, TX. Perhaps best known for their 2006 hits "Hate Me" and "Into the Ocean" Blue October continues to thrive in the Alt-rock genre.
I know that this version of "Fear" is not the original version, however, there is something about the percussion elements in the Phil Tan mix create a hopeful tone that gets lost in the original. That is not to say I do not love the original as well, it just didn't suit my mood today. We don't have a solely instrumental intro, Justin's vocals hit right on one. Alongside the gentle tone of the vocals we hear the thrum and clap of the drums mixing with the thoughtful chords of a piano. A guitar joins in sounding beachy and dreamlike, like waves. For whatever reason whenever I hear this song in particular I am immediately reminded of Phil Collins, which then, of course prompts me to think about Disney's Tarzan montage through the jungle to "Fear". I am always a sucker for the use of strings with a solid drumbeat. It's incredibly dramatic and emotional. The song stays relatively calm with small builds in comparison to the massive explosion we get towards the end. I'm going to admit this is absolutely my favorite moment of "Fear". As you are probably aware by now, that dramatic build full of tension finally snapping is typically what throws a song over the edge from "this is alright" to "this is a masterpiece", in my eyes. Everything is quite subdued vocally and instrumentally. They both give a subtle crescendo that holds about mezzo forte, instrumentally, while Justin guns all the way to fortissimo belting as if his soul is being ripped apart. It's powerful, dramatic, and determined. Honestly, that whole ending sounds like the embodiment of someone conquering a terse battle and the sweet relief that comes with that kind of victory.
I find that when I listen to music I like to envision what the song would sound like in various different genres. Now, this isn't because I don't like the original, quite the opposite. I do this as a means to better grasp the song and discover hidden aspects that can totally transform the original. For instance, as an actor I was trained to look at various different emotions, even if they weren't right for the piece, when working on a monologue, scene, whatever. It's amazing what tiny things you discover within say, Romeo and Juliet's lovey-dovey sonnet scene if you play it angry and hostile just once, and how that will inform and deepen the scene when you return to the love-struck tone. I don't really know why I am bringing this up but as I sat here listening through "Fear" I found myself envisioning it as both an entirely symphonic piece and as an aggressive trap rap. The former added a feeling of radiant self assurance and peace. The latter inspired a feeling of absolute chaos as they battled their demons. These of course heightened my earlier feelings but also shifted the way I viewed the calmness leading throughout the song, I heard shakiness within the early guitar part that grew in it's confidence. Could I have noticed this without doing all this introspective mumbo? Probably, but it is immensely more enjoyable this way.
Realistically who hasn't felt fear? The lyrics and theme of this song are universal. Whatever it is you fear, no matter how inconsequential, it's important that we fight and overcome. Today as we remembered my Uncle, in an incredibly beautiful service, topics of fear, redemption, and loss came up. What I found myself struck with was the message to not fear.
I know that this version of "Fear" is not the original version, however, there is something about the percussion elements in the Phil Tan mix create a hopeful tone that gets lost in the original. That is not to say I do not love the original as well, it just didn't suit my mood today. We don't have a solely instrumental intro, Justin's vocals hit right on one. Alongside the gentle tone of the vocals we hear the thrum and clap of the drums mixing with the thoughtful chords of a piano. A guitar joins in sounding beachy and dreamlike, like waves. For whatever reason whenever I hear this song in particular I am immediately reminded of Phil Collins, which then, of course prompts me to think about Disney's Tarzan montage through the jungle to "Fear". I am always a sucker for the use of strings with a solid drumbeat. It's incredibly dramatic and emotional. The song stays relatively calm with small builds in comparison to the massive explosion we get towards the end. I'm going to admit this is absolutely my favorite moment of "Fear". As you are probably aware by now, that dramatic build full of tension finally snapping is typically what throws a song over the edge from "this is alright" to "this is a masterpiece", in my eyes. Everything is quite subdued vocally and instrumentally. They both give a subtle crescendo that holds about mezzo forte, instrumentally, while Justin guns all the way to fortissimo belting as if his soul is being ripped apart. It's powerful, dramatic, and determined. Honestly, that whole ending sounds like the embodiment of someone conquering a terse battle and the sweet relief that comes with that kind of victory.
I find that when I listen to music I like to envision what the song would sound like in various different genres. Now, this isn't because I don't like the original, quite the opposite. I do this as a means to better grasp the song and discover hidden aspects that can totally transform the original. For instance, as an actor I was trained to look at various different emotions, even if they weren't right for the piece, when working on a monologue, scene, whatever. It's amazing what tiny things you discover within say, Romeo and Juliet's lovey-dovey sonnet scene if you play it angry and hostile just once, and how that will inform and deepen the scene when you return to the love-struck tone. I don't really know why I am bringing this up but as I sat here listening through "Fear" I found myself envisioning it as both an entirely symphonic piece and as an aggressive trap rap. The former added a feeling of radiant self assurance and peace. The latter inspired a feeling of absolute chaos as they battled their demons. These of course heightened my earlier feelings but also shifted the way I viewed the calmness leading throughout the song, I heard shakiness within the early guitar part that grew in it's confidence. Could I have noticed this without doing all this introspective mumbo? Probably, but it is immensely more enjoyable this way.
Realistically who hasn't felt fear? The lyrics and theme of this song are universal. Whatever it is you fear, no matter how inconsequential, it's important that we fight and overcome. Today as we remembered my Uncle, in an incredibly beautiful service, topics of fear, redemption, and loss came up. What I found myself struck with was the message to not fear.
"All my life
Been running from a pain in me
A feeling I don't understand
Holding me down"
"So rain on me
Underwater
All I am, getting harder
A heavy weight
I carry around"
Been running from a pain in me
A feeling I don't understand
Holding me down"
"So rain on me
Underwater
All I am, getting harder
A heavy weight
I carry around"
The first verse I interpret pretty straight forward, running away from the fear and anxiety yet it's still holding him back. Now the second verse, I interpret a few ways, especially knowing vocalist Justin Furstenfeld's open battle with addiction, getting clean, and finding God. When I hear the word "underwater" my first thought is baptism, however, I also think drowning, like he is drowning under his addiction. The third thing I think is cleansing, be it spiritual or physical. The next lyric "All I am, getting harder" again speaks to either strengthening his resolve or even the literal hardness of getting clean.
"I'm up here
I'm looking at the way down there
I'm staring through the I don't care
It's staring back at me"
I'm looking at the way down there
I'm staring through the I don't care
It's staring back at me"
"The beauty is
I'm learning how to face my beast
Starting now to find some peace
Set myself free, yeah"
I'm learning how to face my beast
Starting now to find some peace
Set myself free, yeah"
I'm not going to post the entirety of the lyrics but this song is just so inspiring and serves as a reminder that we all have demons to face and we are all learning on this journey called life how to free ourselves.
Lyric that attacked me:
"Breathe
Ask for more
If you're bitter still
Ask him to help you carry on"
Song Color: Sunshine
Mood: Bittersweet
Lyric that attacked me:
"Breathe
Ask for more
If you're bitter still
Ask him to help you carry on"
Song Color: Sunshine
Mood: Bittersweet
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