Day 13- So Far Away- Agust D feat. Suran

Song: So Far Away
Artist: Agust D feat. Suran
Jan 13

Today seems to be full of signs from the universe. From casually reading an article that felt like the big guy himself knew I would be reading to having an entirely different song in mind when I accidentally hit shuffle and was slapped in the face by whatever being in the universe gets to dole out the giant flashing "sign".

Agust D is actually the "alter ego" of rapper Suga (real name: Min Yoongi) from BTS. Flipping his name backwards you have DT Suga, DT being an homage to Daegu Town (his home town) and Suga being his stage name. He released his self titled mixtape in 2016 in which he touches heavily on depression, feeling lost, and addressing criticism. 

"So Far Away" starts off with a very fitting distant vocal from Suran and an electronic beeping that is almost mundane in its pitch. It simultaneously reminds me of a heart monitor and the beep when checking out at a register. There is also this billowing wind effect that builds into something reminiscent of flying in the clouds. The wind ends abruptly with the entrance of Suga's vocal and the pulse of a bass drum. The music during our first verse is features the percussion at the front with a synth quietly humming in the back. Dreamlike and steady. Suga starts out kind of small, almost mumbling, as if he is kind of berating himself until his frustration begins to grow and sinks back into a mumble. Suran's rich and sweet vocal interrupts Suga's self depreciation flooding the senses with relief. We also have the addition of that wind effect again. I'm struck with an  image of the universe opening up out of Yoongi's head. Suran also flying out with the universe and turning to reach back for what is essentially the subconscious of Yoongi and pulling him away into the starry night sky. The post chorus Suga sounds determined and desperate. His breath is sharp and slightly panicked.  I had to actually pause here because the vocals serving as the guide sounded so much like Jungkook (it was) that I thought I was going crazy. Hidden vocals are fun like that. Moving right along Jungkook's vocal, way on the bottom, is spacey and makes you feel like you are spinning. There is so much going on now musically that it is a bit overwhelming. Suddenly everything sounds like it is underwater except for Suga and then, nothing. No background music just Suga. Jarring and entirely isolating it feels like a reprieve from thought. Grounding us back in reality for just a split second before the universe is ripped open again, exploding into colors and options so magnificent that it takes your breath away. The ad libs and vocal runs  leading into and throughout the refrain are stunning, swirling with encouragement amidst the anxiety we had been feeling earlier. Uplifting the lost souls and giving a sense of reassurance as they wander.

 We all reach a point in our lives where we kind of feel lost or listless. The exact extent will obviously vary person to person but for some it can be totally debilitating. There is a reason why so many people's lives have been touched or saved by music and "So Far Away" is absolutely no exception.

"I know it seems pathetic
To not have a dream like everyone
'Everything's going to be alright if you go to university
And do as we tell you'
I'm the asshole for believing those words
I'm living because I can't die"

I grew up in the generation that was told "Go to college or you won't be able to get a job" but during the middle of my adolescence technology began to change everything. Suddenly, for most, college became a way to start your adult life buried in debt without the guarantee of a stable well paying job. There comes a point where what you had dreamed about before becomes null and you no longer know what you are walking towards. You're merely existing unable to move forward.

"But I don't have anything I want to do
I'm in so much pain and lonliness but people around me
Keep telling me to regain my consciousness"

"Even my friends and family are drifting away
I feel anxious as time passes by
It feels like I'm all by myself
I hope everything disappears when I'm alone
I hope things disappear like a mirage
I hope things disappear
I hope my damn self disappears"

These words break my heart. I spent so much of the last few years of my life feeling this level of helplessness. It is uncontrollable and so difficult to pull yourself out of. You end up feeling entirely numb, a slave to your depression. And many times people, not understanding, try to get you to snap out of it. You push your friends and family away, choosing to isolate yourself, instead of facing the ticking clock of the world. The clock that is telling you "Time is limited so you'd better get started". Suga has put to words the biggest hurdle I have ever faced in my life and I know I am not alone in that. 

"Dream, I will be there for your creation
Until the end of your life
Dream, wherever you might be
It will be lenient
Dream, you will fully bloom
After all the hardships
Dream, your beginnings will seem humble
So prosperous will your future be"

The personification of the unborn Dream is absolutely beautiful. This entire phrase is so inspiring  and full of anticipation. Parental, warm, and supportive. 

Lyric that attacked me:
"Everyone is running but why am I the only one here?"

Song Color: Indigo, Pale green and lavender, twinkling white

Mood: Reassured