Day 16: Stigma- V
Song: Stigma
Artist: V
Artist: V
Jan 16
There seems to be a recurring theme this week to my feeling emotionally vulnerable. I tried and failed to uplift my mood with lively upbeat music and funny videos but I feel like I am in a lull that is deeper than I can currently climb out of.
V is the stage name of Kim Taehyung, one of the four vocalists of BTS. I am actually forcing myself not to rant about how much I adore this precious Tiger and it is proving to be incredibly difficult.
Back in 2016 BTS released the "Wings" album which featured a solo song from each of the members. Each song held a personal meaning to each of the members with most of them writing or taking part in the writing process for their respective track. I also think it is very important to note that Tae is the only member who has not discussed the song's meaning but I will touch more on this later.
"Stigma" starts out very forlorn, with a lone piano. Our drop happens early with the addition of a bass drum and the bright pop of snare. "Stigma" is smooth, jazzy, mysterious, and classic with a modern edge. Truthfully I find that it encapsulates the essence of Taehyung's serious side. V's rich honey vocal is dark and deep. I visualize the depths found in the middle of a lake at dusk, somehow murky and clear at the same time. When I first heard "Stigma" I wasn't overly fond of the fake brass that plays in the background, I prefer the nuances and "imperfections" that come forth from the real instrument, however, the more I listened and dug deeper I found myself thinking why they made that choice. The short answer could be that it was easier and cheaper but I am a firm believer in every artistic choice was intentional and with purpose. Amidst the rest of the musical components the brass catches your ear sounding too perfect and missing an element of humanity. It's as if someone is wearing a public face, burying a part of their identity which in turn feels like they are robotically going through the motions. The contrast between the other instruments and the brass feels like a struggle for dominance between the two faces V has. The true power of the song comes with the vocal melody. Again, contrasting between Tae's low chest voice and his high keening falsetto we feel the struggle here as well. I want to focus first on his lower register first. With its first appearance there is a vulnerability and timid breath coating his voice, as if he is afraid of whatever it is he has to share or the reaction he will receive. Later as he begins apologizing, in his lower register, there's a feeling of deep sorrow. His spoken phrase bears a sense of hurt and slight contempt transitioning into a desperate pleading when he begins singing again. Looking at his upper register's initial introduction the breath is shallow and anxious as if he is on the verge of a panic attack. Normally when I think of someone crying out I associate with our lower register, as our voices tend to fully drop down and connect, but the way Tae is able to ground his falsetto I feel as if there are tears overflowing as he is gasping out and begging for understanding. I find myself feeling an overwhelming urge to comfort and protect.
As I have mentioned before there is no confirmed meaning behind this song from Tae or any of the other members. The only mentions about "Stigma's" meaning came from RM (the group's leader) who said that it is a personal song for Tae and that it is for him to share. I am going to preface that the following is my own interpretation of the song and it could very well be totally off base. When I first read these lyrics the only thing that came into my mind was someone who has been struggling with their sexuality and making the decision to come out to their family. The title of the song being Stigma only strengthens my belief to that notion.
Back in 2016 BTS released the "Wings" album which featured a solo song from each of the members. Each song held a personal meaning to each of the members with most of them writing or taking part in the writing process for their respective track. I also think it is very important to note that Tae is the only member who has not discussed the song's meaning but I will touch more on this later.
"Stigma" starts out very forlorn, with a lone piano. Our drop happens early with the addition of a bass drum and the bright pop of snare. "Stigma" is smooth, jazzy, mysterious, and classic with a modern edge. Truthfully I find that it encapsulates the essence of Taehyung's serious side. V's rich honey vocal is dark and deep. I visualize the depths found in the middle of a lake at dusk, somehow murky and clear at the same time. When I first heard "Stigma" I wasn't overly fond of the fake brass that plays in the background, I prefer the nuances and "imperfections" that come forth from the real instrument, however, the more I listened and dug deeper I found myself thinking why they made that choice. The short answer could be that it was easier and cheaper but I am a firm believer in every artistic choice was intentional and with purpose. Amidst the rest of the musical components the brass catches your ear sounding too perfect and missing an element of humanity. It's as if someone is wearing a public face, burying a part of their identity which in turn feels like they are robotically going through the motions. The contrast between the other instruments and the brass feels like a struggle for dominance between the two faces V has. The true power of the song comes with the vocal melody. Again, contrasting between Tae's low chest voice and his high keening falsetto we feel the struggle here as well. I want to focus first on his lower register first. With its first appearance there is a vulnerability and timid breath coating his voice, as if he is afraid of whatever it is he has to share or the reaction he will receive. Later as he begins apologizing, in his lower register, there's a feeling of deep sorrow. His spoken phrase bears a sense of hurt and slight contempt transitioning into a desperate pleading when he begins singing again. Looking at his upper register's initial introduction the breath is shallow and anxious as if he is on the verge of a panic attack. Normally when I think of someone crying out I associate with our lower register, as our voices tend to fully drop down and connect, but the way Tae is able to ground his falsetto I feel as if there are tears overflowing as he is gasping out and begging for understanding. I find myself feeling an overwhelming urge to comfort and protect.
As I have mentioned before there is no confirmed meaning behind this song from Tae or any of the other members. The only mentions about "Stigma's" meaning came from RM (the group's leader) who said that it is a personal song for Tae and that it is for him to share. I am going to preface that the following is my own interpretation of the song and it could very well be totally off base. When I first read these lyrics the only thing that came into my mind was someone who has been struggling with their sexuality and making the decision to come out to their family. The title of the song being Stigma only strengthens my belief to that notion.
"I've been hiding it
I tell you something
Just to leave it buried
Now I can't endure it anymore
Why couldn't I say it then
I have been hurting anyway
Really I won't be able to endure it"
I tell you something
Just to leave it buried
Now I can't endure it anymore
Why couldn't I say it then
I have been hurting anyway
Really I won't be able to endure it"
Imagine hiding such a huge aspect of yourself from your loved ones. The fear of disappointing, being disowned, rejected for something you yourself have tried to fight, destroy, bury. Eventually that kind of secret would weigh down and become such a heavy burden that you aren't able to live a fulfilled life. So now you are faced with the choice of living an unfulfilled life for the sake of your loved ones or a life fulfilled for your sake at the potential expense of your loved ones. Can you imagine?
"Deeper, deeper the wound just gets deeper
Like pieces of broken glass that I can't reverse
Deeper it's just the heart that hurts everyday
(You) who was punished in my stead,
You who were only delicate and fragile"
Like pieces of broken glass that I can't reverse
Deeper it's just the heart that hurts everyday
(You) who was punished in my stead,
You who were only delicate and fragile"
Concealing aspects of yourself in anyway hurts and depending on how large a part of you they are the hurt will just run deeper. I find the last two lines to be very interesting and the first time that I don't necessarily think that he is talking to a family member but perhaps a lover that may have suffered ostracization due to the nature of their relationship.
"Stop crying, tell me something
Try saying to me, who had no courage
Why did you do that to me then
I'm sorry"
Try saying to me, who had no courage
Why did you do that to me then
I'm sorry"
"Forget it,
What right do I have
To tell you to do this, or that"
What right do I have
To tell you to do this, or that"
These two verses feel opposing. The first verse there is hurt. Our singer is simultaneously apologizing while asking for something other than tears, as if he wants them to condemn him. I think that is an interesting notion because he would rather bear the brunt of the hurt than know that he hurt them in turn. The second verse he essentially condemns himself saying he has no right to tell them how to react or feel.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry
I'm sorry ma brother
Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can't
I'm sorry ma brother
Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can't
be erased
Are you calling me a sinner
What more do I have to say"
Mood: Hurt
What more do I have to say"
There is so much apologizing and agonizing in these lyrics. "Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can't be erased." That whole line is tinged with the sense that he has tried so hard to get rid of this aspect of himself and no matter how hard he tries it's just who he is. "Are you calling me a sinner" I mean.. this is self explanatory. We all are aware of the religious viewpoints of homosexuality and it feels as if he too had believed that as well. And therein lies even more of this guilt and desperation. This constant battle against himself, society, and God himself over an aspect of himself that he cannot erase.
"That light, that light, please illuminate my sins
Where I can't turn back the red blood is
flowing down
Deeper, I feel like dying every day
Please let me be punished
Please forgive me for my sins
Please"
Where I can't turn back the red blood is
flowing down
Deeper, I feel like dying every day
Please let me be punished
Please forgive me for my sins
Please"
This last verse cuts to the core for me. Feeling this level of guilt, of anguish is heartbreaking. Pleading to be punished and forgiven for something out of your control. It brings tears to my eyes as I think of all the of people, close friends and strangers alike, who have experienced this exact pain, wanting to die because of who they are.. I want to hold each of them in my arms and give them back the comfort and peace that was taken from them.
Lyric that attacked me:
"Please let me be punished
Please forgive me for my sins
Please"
Song color: Deep Violet
Lyric that attacked me:
"Please let me be punished
Please forgive me for my sins
Please"
Song color: Deep Violet
Mood: Hurt
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